Many clients share their journey and their experience with Dr. Rita in hope that you can also find help in overcoming whatever you may be facing. The following is chronicle of the journey of one couple. Please check the dropdown menu above for more true stories and a few analogies that Dr. Rita uses.
It started with me sliding down to the ground and laying on the floor in my towel. I didn’t know what was happening to me. The only thing that I remember is lying on the floor crying. The next thing I knew it was 10 minutes later and my friend Kelly was comforting me and telling me to take a deep breath. My leg hurt immensely and I didn’t know why until I look at it. It was bleeding. What I had done is taken my nails and scratched it till it was bleeding. I didn’t know why. This was my very first anxiety attack. After that it seemed to get worse. Throughout the whole next week I had 8 or 9 anxiety attacks. Some were right after the other in the same day. They just seemed to be getting worse and worse.
This had to do with the sexual abuse that happened in my past that I had not been dealing with. It had been hidden from my world for 10 years. I didn’t talk about it with anyone; I just tried not to remember it. I put all of my feelings in a box, locked it and threw away the key. But after 10 years of holding in so many emotions my mind, my heart didn’t know what to do anymore. I never felt good about myself. I felt dirty, used, and unworthy of any close relationship. I only had girl friends. I have only been able to really open up to 2 of them in my whole life. I rarely ever had guy friends. I just didn’t’ trust them. The only man that I ever did really trust was my father. He was the only one that I could ever be close to. It never seemed like I could ever me my real self with anyone. There was always a big part of me that I felt like I had to hide from the world. It was kind of like being an iceberg. There was only a small part of me that anyone ever saw. I always had a wall up with people. I was afraid of what people might think of the real me.
After my anxiety attacks my parents realized there was something seriously wrong with me. I needed help. They knew that, and I knew that but I was too afraid to face it. When I first started to see Dr. Rita it became a chore for me. To be honest, at first I hated every minute of it. I didn’t really think that she could help me. It was so awkward he first time I told Dr. Rita about my abuse. I really didn’t know what to say or what to do. I had never ever talked about it with someone in my whole life. The first few weeks were so difficult for me. It was so hard to balance my life and my meetings with Dr. Rita. It seemed like my abuse was taking over my life, and I couldn’t control it anymore. I didn’t want that to happen. I had controlled it, or so I thought, for that past 10 years. I was not about to let me beat me, or run my life. I had to face it.
It wasn’t until 2 months later that I really began to really see a huge improvement in my life. What changed everything was Dr. Rita told me to write down in detail what had happened to me. So I had to write down all of the times that I could remember being sexually abused. At first I didn’t want to. I fought it actually. It took me few weeks to really consider it. The first time I sat down to write it out it seemed like I couldn’t stop. I just kept going and going. I felt so good to get it out. I am never really good with expressing myself in speaking, but when it comes to writing it down, I really had it easy. I then brought what I wrote to my next session with Dr. Rita and she told me to read it to her. She stopped me from time to time to allow me to go back in time and felt those feelings again and she helped me to relax my body as I was going through. After the next couple sessions with Dr. Rita I really began to open up and I was comfortable with really sharing how I felt with her. I felt like a new person.
I began to feel like the person I was before the abuse happened. It was amazing! I never though someone could feel so good about themselves before. Not only did I notice the change but my parents did too. They told me I was more myself, and they could see that I was able to express my feelings more. They could really tell how counseling made a wonderful difference. Before this change my parents felt like they had to always walk on eggshells around me. They were afraid that if they did or what to say because they though one day they were going to say or do something that was going to upset me too much and I was going to go into another anxiety attack. After my later sessions with Dr. Rita it seemed like the biggest burden in the whole world was just lifted right off of me. There was this part of me that held me back from really being the child of God that I was meant to be. Thanks to Dr. Rita, myself, and the one person that helped me though all of this, my Jesus, my Savior I had gotten though the toughest most burdening part of my life that I had ever had to go though.
Another thing that I noticed that changed was my relationship with my Savior. I have always grown up with the knowledge of God in my heart. I have also grown to love him and trust him more and more each day. But to really explain to you how this whole experience in my life has really changed I need to explain how my faith had been in the past. My faith has always been the rock that my house has been built on. I have based my decisions and my actions on my Faith. That is the way that I was raised. That is the way that my parents lived their lives. All my life I have been active in my church. I volunteered for VBS, Sunday school, and the children’s choir when I was younger and gone on Mission trips to Haiti and Macau, China. Not one of those faith experiences changed my spiritual life as much as this has, though each of them has changed me as a person and in my walk of faith. I would have not been able to get though this if I didn’t have my faith and my Jesus at my side. A few things that have changed are my own view of my faith. Before this I really saw myself as just trying to do as many good things that I could to be faithful Christian. I had heard so many times that good works did not and could not get you into heaven. I knew that. But I always seemed to be involved with so many things. I don’t think I really did those things to work my way into heaven, I think I did them to help myself. I think I did all of my volunteering so that I could view myself better. To show myself that I deserved the wonderful life that God had given me. I know now, after all of that has happened, that I never needed to think in this way at all. God had given me gifts and riches because he loves me, not because I needed to prove myself with them. I see myself as the wonderful child of God that he would do anything for; even give his own Son to die for.
I also leaned on God so much during this whole thing. I really relied on him for everything. That is not how it always was in my life. In the beginning of my journey, I thought that I could do it all by myself. I thought that if I was strong enough these past 10 years then I was strong enough to get though the healing process. That was Satan talking. He tried to make me believe that if I just kept doing what I was doing I could handle it all by myself and that I didn’t need God to help me though it. Everyone needs God in their life. He is the friend that is there at all hours. He is the friend that you can talk to about anything and you know you don’t have to worry about what they might think or if they will love you after everything. God loves me no matter what.
I also saw myself as undeserving of God’s love. In the beginning of my journey I thought what happened to me was my fault, that I could have stopped it and that I chose not to. So I thought that because I didn’t do anything to stop it, he bruised me for life. Because I thought I was bruised and used, God didn’t deserve a dirty child. All of this was just another evil plan of the Devil. He wanted to make me feel worthless and unworthy of God’s love; because he knew that God has a plan for me. God does have a plan for me. That is definitely just one of the many things that I have learned though all of this. I am a wonderful child of God and he has a planned and designed life for me.Contact us today